freedom

I hate this game. This stupid tug of war I'm playing with myself. Awkward or immature. I'm not sure which one I hate more! All I know is that I was made for more than all of this random drama I've created. Have I not been remade? Or am I still held captive by the chains that bound me to myself? I thought I'd laid them down. I thought I'd given up. Apparently I thought wrong. Because I'm still my selfish self. Not the self I was created to be.
I thought this would be a better year, I promised myself I would make it amazing. But I can't do this alone.  I thought I could.. and I just didn't realize that it was a waste to try because I would only fail anyway. Well, thank God for second chances. But this time, I won't do it alone. Because I want to be more than I am now. I want to be extraordinary. And right now I am merely ordinary..
No longer torn. Those chains have been broken, breaking me from myself. I AM FREE. finally, after years and years of trying I no longer have to try to break me from myself. because i have been broken. at last. none of it matters anymore. none of the effort i've put into building up myself. my walls have finally come down. my mask has been washed away and my heart has been melted. i am no longer awkward, nor immature. i no longer have to choose! my greatest enemy, that is, myself, has been killed. then, resurrected with Christ. but, this time, I am not my own. I am a new creation. no longer toying with choices or hatred. i am His.
yours truly, M